Hate

Last night I dreamed of the hate, sadness, and regret I felt when I could never accomplish anything, hated everyone, and how alone I was in the world I made for myself. What's the fun in having a world where you're the only one? Yeah, no one ever messed with me but no one ever helped me. Then I started to accept some people, a boy named Ryan. Ryan was a boy in elementary school who sat with me and hugged me when I told him how I felt on the inside. I was scared, yeah, but I needed someone. But I was hurt by him after I fully accepted him and I confessed how I felt about him being the one I liked. I never accepted anyone inside anymore. Ok, on the outside I have a few friends but do I really consider them friends? No, they are hypocrites just like those bullies.
So, then I entered high school and fell for 2 people. It was ridiculous, after so long of being alone I fell, and when I fall, I fall really hard. Being hurt is normal for me so I try not to pay attention to it anymore, I regret not listening to it. I regret so much of what I have done. I regret so much. Those 2 people I fell for were so out of my reach and even I knew that. Its sad that I could actually smile while being rejected but I had to smile. If I started crying, I look weak, frail and vulnerable but then he would feel bad and thats the last thing I wanted. I hate that feeling. Its been a year since then but I want to make sure that even if I don't find happiness that they will. I really hope he will because he is too pure and kind. His name is Dennis. :)