In the darkness, the figure steps closer. With each step, my heart pounds more and the nervousness from depths of my very state of being. My limbs shook with the same intensity as the day my love was confessed. My breath irregular, mind in a jumble.
A tall, thin, broad shouldered man appeared before my eyes. His upper body tries to reach for me however his legs are knee deep in a black sludge. He isnt sinking but he cant get out. He is trying his hardest to reach as far as his long arms will go but the distance cant be bridged.
"Why are you stuck?" His face still a blur. The outline of his eyes become visible and his mouth opened.
"You...listen...leave...hate...you..." Catching the only words audible. His voice was muffled as if he were wrapped in an invisible blanket.
My chest constricted and the pain inside seemed to crush my ribs with intense pressure. Sinking and pressure seemed to push my body back and onto the sludge.
The words become clear and my body begins to struggle. As the fog upon the figure clears, the nostalgic sense rushes back to me.
Denis. A man I love, however after being rejected I gave up. I thought I gave up but the heart wants what it wants. Ah! I knew it! He hates me! Why!?! I know I am not pretty and cant compare but I struggle and reach for what I desire. So why!?!
I begin to struggle and lash out at the scenery. Throwing the sludge, I stain the white walls closing in on us. My anger seemed to dissipate as I looked at him. Looking at me, he smiles his usual warm smile and my anger completely disappears.
As my mind clears, his words are repeated and I look up.
"You must listen and leave or the hate will devour you."
Struggling sinks me further. Stilling as time yet still moving, I know I can not stop it. I will hate myself for liking Denis and I accept it. The understanding that my own self-consciousness will torture me until I break. I don't want to forget love so I hurt myself in order to engrave it on my heart and soul.
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